flashbacks, summer...yesterday is gone.

Hello, all my darlings!


So if any of you follow my other blog that I do with some other girls, Days on a Whim, you'll notice that this post(or something close to it...a little changed) was on my other blog! Yes, I find it quite important to be on both blogs. But as of right now, since my computer is evil and resists to copy and paste whole posts, yes, I'm doing one of the most stupid and time consuming things ever... keeping the blog on half my screen and Days on a Whim on the other- totally retyping everything from the other one. Grand. Lovely. The things I do for a blog...

So don't be too terribly disappointed that you didn't get anything new from me, because new things will come, darlings. Patience... and I may or may not add some things in this post that aren't in the other one(ha, like this whole intro deal...), so just keep reading, grab yourself a cup of tea, and try to see things from my world...

Life goes on.

Things that have once scarred you will eventually wear off, but you'll always have some sort of a reminder of whatever you're flashing back on...
Honestly, I often have many of these kinds of flashbacks all the time about past regrets or something that I wish never even happened. And the thought of these things repeating themselves or coming back to haunt me seriously creeps me out.

But there's nothing you can do to help what happened other than to get back up and keep on going with your life. God's showing me that a lot right now...showing me all He went through so that I wouldn't have to dwell on everything that has already happened. He didn't just die for my sin, He died for the suffering I would and have endured. Took on our suffering, our shame, our loneliness.

Before He died, before I even existed, He already knew who I would become, what I would go through... what I would encounter.
He knew I would tackle loneliness and confusion for a good portion of my school life, struggling to fit in and have friends that I could actually trust and would understand and care about me. He knew that I would have a huge revival in November of 2010, but then be sucked right back into the same mindset and troubles of before that night. He knew I would continue to slip, but that He would never let me fall.
He knew. And He still does.

My thoughts, my quiet time, my time talking with my Father seem to always bounce back to this...
"God, I'm a terrible, wretched, sinful person. I can't fathom or believe that You still love me after everything I've done! Why just yesterday...."
"Daughter, be still. Your sins are forgiven, and you are as white as snow. Yesterday is gone. Your sins are gone- as far as the East is from the West. On the ocean floor, never to be seen again. Be still, for I am God. I'm here. I'll never leave or be angry with you, or bring back anything you've done- no matter what you do."

Oh my word, think about that!
Anything you've ever done, anything you've ever got involved with- it's all gone! Wiped out! On the ocean floor, behind you, never to be seen again.
When God looks at us, He sees us as white as snow only through Christ standing in for us. He sees you as what you were meant to be, not what you've become.

As these thoughts have been bouncing around in my mind, all at once I get to the point of realizing all this on a different level...as "Suddenly" by Tobymac(along with many others), which fits quite appropriately I would say...if you haven't heard it before, I compel you to open another tab and youtube it.

Suddenly all of it's behind you
And I'm here to remind you
That yesterday is gone, so say goodbye
And suddenly the skies open around you
And Someone really loves you
And everything's alive

You'll have to listen to it to get the full essence of the matter, but it's quite beautiful...

Sometimes its in a instant
Sometimes we wait for years
But it comes down to the moment when faith eclipses fear
Your wandering is over
The other side is real
You've broken through
Your mountain moved
And mercy is revealed

In essence...yesterday is gone, so wave goodbye.
There's nothing you can do to change what had already happened, so instead of dwelling on the past why not look forward?
There's nothing I can do to change the quick decisions I've made to "fit in" during my previous years, to change how I treated others in response to how people treated and ignored me.

So life moves on.

Life is moving on, and currently, things are doing well. Life is moving slowly(which yes, is terribly ironic considering my usual perspective on life), but that will soon change, and winter continues to drag on and on...

I wish it would leave, honestly.
In my opinion, and many others, winter is pretty useless and sad without a good snow fall here and there, which we were so very blessed with that a few months ago. But aside from that...it's just cold, rainy, wet, windy(it's WA, people), and you can't really go far outside without getting sick or wearing at least 3 layers on.

So yes. I'm sick of winter, want it gone.
I really wish for warm weather. :)
To start pulling out my sundresses, flip flops & tank tops, not worrying about coats or rain, start going on walks with friends again, sketching and taking photographs outside, the whole shabang of oh-so-fabulous spring/summer. :) Even though I love spring...all the fresh smells and the flowers popping up everywhere, I really want summer. :)

Summer has recently begun to work it's way into my mind and never leaves. So when I'm stuck at school and walking in between classes around campus in the wind and rain, I can picture in an open field with wild flowers, the beach....
Aside from that, I have so much to look forward to this summer. it'll be the last summer I have before high school, and in August us freshman(yeah, weird...) shall embark on the Freshman Hike...which shall be interesting to say in the least.
But before school starts beckoning us back again, we'll have months of freedom...

I'll be spending a large portion of my summer in Maui along with my aunts, uncles, cousins...it's sort of like an unofficial family reunion except we know everyone so it's not too overwhelming and awkward. The only downfall is at this point, our grandparents are planning on not coming with us. This is the first time since my dad was in 8th grade(yeah, no lie) that they won't be coming! Absurd, right? Gah. And I know there are slight medical complications for this cause, but still...

You see, ever since my dad and his family (my grandma, grandmother, dad, and 2 other uncles) were little, their family has been going over to Maui every other summer for a whole entire month. Wow. They stay at the same place, get a fabulous deal on condos right off the beach, they know the island inside and out. And because of my dad falling in love with my mom and us coming into the picture(and of course my grandparents generosity), since I was about 5 years old it's been the same story for us.
We know the island inside and out. It's our home away from home...it's in our blood, you could say. And it's only by my grandparents pure generosity that we're able and blessed to go this often.

It's breaking my heart as I write this...after all, it's because of them that we can go in the first place.
So we're all hoping and praying that their medical issues disappear and that they change their minds in these next few months and enjoy probably our last time we'll be going...

Also, I'll be spending lots of time with friends!
Most of my previous summers are spent outside trying to entertain myself along with my siblings, and then occasionally finding someone that's available from church to go have some fun with. Because we like almost 30 minutes away from school and everyone who attends our school, it's not like we can just walk up the hill and visit whenever we want.
So I have a feeling a lot of you Anacortas people shall be seeing lots of me this summer...:)

But yes, I'll be spending lots of time with friends in Anacortes and with people I really haven't gotten to meet face-to-face before...which I'm terribly excited for. :) Then comes all the oh-so-high-and-mighty high schoolers in the church youth group that I'll finally get to join in June...which will finally give me something to do on Sunday nights. :)

So...friends, warm weather, Maui, laziness...
Oh, and plus the endless and unrestrained hours of taking photographs, write up some new things, post some more on my blogs(of course), and sleep and enjoy and warm weather and creation to behold outside...

The only things that stand in my way are...
Spring Break.
Perspectives.
Finals.
Presentations...
Graduation.

Bring it on.

So no... you people who keep up with the other blog I'm part of didn't get ripped off with content, did you? And tomorrow's Friday(praise the Lord), and I should be posting more hopefully this weekend.

Loves!
Remey.