So I've just noticed (AGAIN) how long it's been since I've been on my blog. Or other people's blogs. Or blogs in general.It's finals week. Blah. Things are busy, stress levels are rising, and tea is running short in the Messmer household. I have 5 total, and have 4 completed so far. I finished today at around...1:10PM? And came home at a lovely time immediately after. :) It's weird being home right now. But as I'm sitting around thinking of something to do(other than study for tomorrow's exam, of course), I'm surfing through the Internet and find blogs! My blog! My friend's blog! It's so weird. I forgot what this was like to post...to post anything.
So I guess life has really been busy, actually. Not overwhelming, but easy. My first year of my 4 year high school career is going surprising well. Not sure if any of you remember (I certainly do), but I believe it was...last summer? or so that I was stressing about this year, the freshman hike, the upcoming volleyball season, etc, and I posted several times about it and talked to some of you personally about my worries and struggles of the upcoming year. And as most of you said, YES, it was definitely something I shouldn't have worried about at all. :) God was at work in my life and he still is. He got me through the week of the freshman hike, my first year of volleyball for high school, and the last couple months of freshman year. Have they been necessarily EASY? No. But were they worth it...? Yes. Of course they were.
I believe I've grown in my faith tremendously from this last summer till now. So many things are going on around me that I could easily crumble under, but God has slowly and surely been giving me the strength to stand through all the worries and struggles I've gone through in the last couple months. I won't go into much detail than that, but God is good. He works wonders and I don't think I've ever been as close to Him in my life than right now.
That being said, I'm still struggling with my spiritual life. I'm keeping up on my nightly bible study, and I've completed my studies of the books Colossians and Hebrews, and am now on to Romans. I'm even in shock that I went this long. I struggled at the beginning of my very first study with doing it every night- I would make excuses for myself or say I was too tired, say I'd do it the next night, but never do it. It would slowly push further and further back until I was behind weeks. It was crazy. But I soon discovered that I really need that time alone with God and I treasure it dearly throughout my crazy life. I told one friend a while ago how I was struggling with it, and she simply told me to not let it slide. Not to let myself sleep before I did it. If it even came to the point of my eye lids drooping closed, I HAD to do it. I had to make myself. And since then, my self discipline has grown immensely. Not saying in the slightest way that I ALWAYS keep up. Just the other night I skipped because of exam studying. But even that shouldn't be an excuse, and I see that. So I ask you all to keep my accountable some how, and if I ever talk to you about struggling with keeping up with it, slap me silly until I listen again. ;)
Like I said earlier, I feel closer to God now than ever before. I see His work in my life so much clearer than before and in a brand new, exciting way. I still have several things that scare and worry me about the future, but the way God is in control of my life now gives me the assurance that when the time comes for the things that I'm most worried about, it won't be any different.
As for the past few months?
I wouldn't change a thing. I'm thankful for the tears. Because all that? It got me HERE. Where I am NOW.
Throughout the last week or so I've been struck- and I mean complete AWESTRUCK- with how blessed I am. How much I'm given by God's grace on a daily basis that I don't deserve and yet am so quick to take for granted. I have truly a beautiful life. And I know how much I forget that and think otherwise, and it hurts me to think that I've ever been angry with God for how my life is or whatever is happening. I know all things work together for good, but it's definitely hard to see that. It's hard to trust God that he knows what he's doing and can see the whole picture when I might just see the little piece. It's tough...but it gives you strength. It gives you endurance, and God preparing me with the small things will help me in the future for the bigger things. I'm so thankful that he has shown me this. There will be days where I definitely won't have this thought process. I'll be down, thinking I can't get back up, thinking it's hopeless. But thank the Lord Almighty that this is a truth that I can always stand on.
So that's that. That's where I am.
I guess I will keep this dear ol' blog for times when I just need to write and praise God for all He's done.
To Him be the glory. I would have nothing without Him.
Lauren Christine
