It could be so easy to give up right now.
Before another week of tests, hardships and trials.
I'm kind of sick of saying how hard it is, and not doing anything about it.
I guess it's time to act.
But part of me knows that I can't do it all. It's a work of Someone else, of course.
Someone I trust. And love. And care about. And lean on.
Okay, I give up. I can't do this on my own. I can't. I know that. It doesn't work, and it only makes things worse.
Take over. I need your guidance.
Things are spinning too fast to see clearly.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
The Right Thing
Doing the right thing is…sometimes really hard. When you’re being showed by God and the Holy Spirit and even your own mother that something you’re doing isn’t exactly good for you or the people around you, it can be a real humbling experience.
It started when…well, school started. We got a whole host of new teachers. A new music teacher, a new PE teacher, a new computer literacy teacher, etc. You get the picture. Our staff was pretty shocked with who decided to leave, as were the students. But the shock didn't end up wearing off. It sort of grew when we saw who was coming our way next.
I’ve never really had trouble with teachers. I respect all my teachers, and my teachers expect me in turn. I’m never rude to them or talk against them, but I understand their difficulty in teaching our class as much as they understand our class’s difficulty in learning under them at times. It’s hard when you don’t see the same way as your teacher. It’s even harder when they don’t see the same way you do or any of your class for that matter. Thus brought the new conflict.
Like I said, I’ve never had trouble with teachers. There has never been a teacher that I really “hated” like some of the other students in my classes. This year we got a new PE teacher along with all the new staff members…and lets just say I’m learning a whole new step on the spectrum of respect.
It’s hard. It’s hard to respect someone who makes you do things that you don’t agree with or think you shouldn’t have to do. But that’s the way it is. Especially since he’s a bit inexperienced. He graduated last year from his college, thus this being his first initial year as a PE teacher. We’re the guinea pigs.
I wouldn’t exactly call it conflict. Well, I guess I would. I’m having a constant conflict with myself and with him on whether or not to respect him. Yes, I respect him to his face and in front of others and whatnot. But it’s getting harder and harder to not join in the complaining in the locker room and the gossip during class. It’s hard.
It’s hard to be IN the world and to not be OF the world.
So you see, doing the right thing is sometimes really hard. To refrain to the gossip that can easily slip out of my mouth and the complaining that I can let out in front of my siblings and parents at home is hard for me now with this new authority figure in my life.
We’ll see where this takes me. God is in control. He brought this young teacher to us for some reason. I know it.
Loves.
Lauren.
It started when…well, school started. We got a whole host of new teachers. A new music teacher, a new PE teacher, a new computer literacy teacher, etc. You get the picture. Our staff was pretty shocked with who decided to leave, as were the students. But the shock didn't end up wearing off. It sort of grew when we saw who was coming our way next.
I’ve never really had trouble with teachers. I respect all my teachers, and my teachers expect me in turn. I’m never rude to them or talk against them, but I understand their difficulty in teaching our class as much as they understand our class’s difficulty in learning under them at times. It’s hard when you don’t see the same way as your teacher. It’s even harder when they don’t see the same way you do or any of your class for that matter. Thus brought the new conflict.
Like I said, I’ve never had trouble with teachers. There has never been a teacher that I really “hated” like some of the other students in my classes. This year we got a new PE teacher along with all the new staff members…and lets just say I’m learning a whole new step on the spectrum of respect.
It’s hard. It’s hard to respect someone who makes you do things that you don’t agree with or think you shouldn’t have to do. But that’s the way it is. Especially since he’s a bit inexperienced. He graduated last year from his college, thus this being his first initial year as a PE teacher. We’re the guinea pigs.
I wouldn’t exactly call it conflict. Well, I guess I would. I’m having a constant conflict with myself and with him on whether or not to respect him. Yes, I respect him to his face and in front of others and whatnot. But it’s getting harder and harder to not join in the complaining in the locker room and the gossip during class. It’s hard.
It’s hard to be IN the world and to not be OF the world.
So you see, doing the right thing is sometimes really hard. To refrain to the gossip that can easily slip out of my mouth and the complaining that I can let out in front of my siblings and parents at home is hard for me now with this new authority figure in my life.
We’ll see where this takes me. God is in control. He brought this young teacher to us for some reason. I know it.
Loves.
Lauren.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Freshman Hike. :)
As per many many MANY requests, I present my week of trial, my days of bonding, my grand escapade into the wilderness, and the start of my high school career...
the MVCS 31st Annual(just kidding...I have no idea how many years they have done this. I just know it's been a LOT)Freshman Hike. :)
Wow. Yes...as you may have guessed, there are SO many more pictures than that. It was very difficult to pick my favorites, as it was picking my favorite point of time in the trip. Honestly, I have no idea. I would have to say the whole thing was my favorite.
Regarding the pictures with mosquito nets, yes, there were TONS of mosquitoes. Only one of the four lakes we hiked to had very little. Every other lake forced us to wear our mosquito nets every time we stopped moving around and even WHEN we were moving. It was crazy.
More regarding the photos...
Yes, most times we were literally ON THE SIDE of a mountain. As in, if you slipped, you would fall half way down before getting caught on a tree.
At one of the lakes, we had to hike down a still-frozen glacier of snow. And back up in the morning. That was probably the most humorous part of the trip...after all, its funny when people fall down snow and slip all the way back down, right? :)
The 50lbs backpack and you became very close buddies considering the fact that if it went down, you went down with it, and vise versa.
All the high mtn. photos? The huge cliffs? The pictures of what would seem "random" shots of the highest peek? Yes, I took those beforehand while we were being prepped with "Yes, guys, we're really about to hike that. And we have to. Unless you want to camp here for the night...so lets do it!" before having to hike it. So yes, every shot beforehand we did eventually climb over and down that peek/top/mtn. etc.
Our total? 17 miles and 6,700 feet elevation.
During the hours you hiked in a day, you were either going UP the mountain or back DOWN it. RARELY did we have any even spots, in which you can imagine we were close to kissing the soil in thankfulness.
Lets see...
There were 8 girls in my group total, not counting the leaders. Our leaders were Julie and Emily{Jill, you will probably remember Julie from rafting during SPYN camp...? Because she definitely remembered our SPYN group. :)} They were super sweet girls. The catch? Neither of them had been on this trail before. At all. As in, whenever we would ask a question like, "Is it going to start going down hill?" or, more commonly, "How much longer till we reach camp?!" we would get some response like, "Not sure. It's the trail, so we're following it." So it was an adventure for all of us. All we had was a compus and a map. Which sort of made it difficult to trust yourself...which as you can imagine, opened even MORE opportunity to trust in God. You can probably guess what I ended up doing.
The other issue with the leaders not knowing where we were exactly going was the last day. We ended up hiking up to a HUGE peek(one shown in the photos), being told we didn't have to climb it(followed by very long sighs of relief, as you can imagine), hiking back down across it on a different route, pausing, leaders looking at a map, then telling us we had to climb back UP the 13ish switchback trails that we had gone down hill back up the the cliff that we would indeed climb up. Yes. This caused us to be 4 hours late the last day from the time when we were supposed to arrive back at the ranch.
After we returned, our Computer Literacy teacher had us write a paper on the trip...our disappointments, our favorite parts, what we would change, what we would keep the same.
It was tough for several reasons. 1 being that the things that I initially thought I would change, after I put some thought into it, were the things that would have made the trip...not even a trip or wouldn't have made a difference and major change in my life right now. The things I would change initially ended up being the things that tested me the most and showed God's faithfulness.
There were several instances on the trip where I was ready to break down and cry, one where I actually did. The one instance that I did was following a day of around 4 1/2 miles of all up hill hiking, seeing the other girls group and then being re-separated, and a whole host of other things that contributed.
We were cold. It was windy. We were all guessing it was going to rain. Low and behold it was the night that had been passed down in rumor by all the classes before us...the night where our counselors would leave us and see how we would do on our own. The catch? They actually never left us at all. At least not in the way we thought they were going to.
Like they did to every other class, we asked them straight up if they were going to do the same thing. They replied no, and then explained what they WERE going to do. We were camped at a lake that night that had a grass field stretched around the entire lake...maybe a mile around. Not quite sure. Anyways, our challenge was to pair off and be assigned a spot around the lake. At night. In the dark. In the rain(possibly). In the wind. Without leaders. Without tents. Without tarps. Us, our sleeping bags, our duffels, and our partner(in my case, I got the three-some. thank goodness). Our emotions on roller-coasters, our bodies freezing, our stomaches still half-empty(you learned not to take much food).
I'll start by saying I'm not the type to seem...fallen apart. I'll put up a brave front and act like everything's fine and that I have everything put together and that I'm tough enough to get through anything. The thing is, as a child of God, I'm not expected to have everything put together. He knows I'm broken. God broke down that "tough front" that night and showed me how broken and messed up I am, and how I can't lie about that anymore. I kept a plain expression while they were walking around the lake assigning people their spot, saying goodnight, and walking further out with each group while thinking, "Okay, I can do this. No big deal. Y'know, even if a bear walks through camp, no big deal." Y'know, thinking the worst, therefore making me feel worse. Anways...Of course, we were the group that went the furthest around the lake, and consequently, the farthest from camp/leaders/other people.
After they dropped us off, we had to hurry up and get out our sleeping bags and stuff before it got too cold, rainy, and windy. While we were setting up, we all pretty much started freaking out.....Okay, it was pretty much me and barely another girl while the last girl in the threesome just sat there and helped. Finally, I stopped what I was doing, tears down my face, and asked, "Guys? Do you think...*hesitation* (these aren't girls you would normally ask this, but desperate times call for desperate measures, right?)...do you think we could pray before we finish this?" Probably the site of my tears and cracking voice and all that lovely stuff made them hesitate as well, before replying, "Sure. Lets pray." We joined hands, prayed, and continued setting up...probably while they glanced at eachother in disbelief. But at that point, I didn't care about what they thought about me wanting to pray outloud to my only refuge in the trip.
After that, things were a bit better. I didn't lose it till we were in our sleeping bags and I kept thinking of the worst, but after praying to God, "God, this is where the rubber hits the road. I tell myself and others that I trust and rely on you...well, this is where I really have to, isn't it?" And he did. His faithfulness shined through and calmed my heart and pushed those thoughts right out of my mind and down the lake with the rest of my worries. I slept through the night nice and warm, and after the 10 minute scare-spell of "possible rain" as it misted around us, it didn't rain a drop. We woke up to beautiful pink clouds and a sunrise, talked a bit, and went back to camp, smiles on our faces.
At the beginning of the hike, the girls were divided into 2 groups~ 7-9 girls in each group. We each started at one point, crossed in the middle lake, and kept hiking the rest. So both groups were doing the other group's route, just backwords to the other group. At this point, we had no idea we were meeting them until we walked across the lake and saw their tired faces sitting around the fire pit cooking oatmeal for us. :) God knew exactly what I needed! He knew that after I night that like, I would love to see some other civilization where I was aside from my group and rabbid squirrels and birds, so our leaders surprised us by meeting the other group. Our eyes teared up as we hugged everyone and sighed with relief as we sat down, oatmeal in our laps, and friends surrounding us. It was beautiful.
Although that was the main time God delivered me during the week and when I REALLY saw his faithfullness shine through, there were so many others! For example, the last morning when we woke up to watch the sunrise from an overhanging cliff above the lake. Another, the very last day when we had a mile left before we hit the van, I was leading the group, and I felt like I was going to collapse. It's at the point when you think you're going to collapse with pain, fall with tiredness, and cry with emotion when God gives you strength. He gave me strength througout the whole trip- I totally know this. I couldn't have hiked a mile without Him with me. But those times listed above were the times where it was fully magnified to me.
It was an amazing trip. Some of you knew how I was feeling the previous Sunday, the previous Monday, and so on. And so some of you know how much this trip changed those feelings.
There's no way else to describe it. I would do it again, but maybe not for as long and not so much up-hill hiking. ;)
The Lord is my strength and my song- Ps. 118:14.
The verse I had written in sharpie on my hand while I conquered mountains.
:)
Remey.
the MVCS 31st Annual(just kidding...I have no idea how many years they have done this. I just know it's been a LOT)Freshman Hike. :)
Wow. Yes...as you may have guessed, there are SO many more pictures than that. It was very difficult to pick my favorites, as it was picking my favorite point of time in the trip. Honestly, I have no idea. I would have to say the whole thing was my favorite.
Regarding the pictures with mosquito nets, yes, there were TONS of mosquitoes. Only one of the four lakes we hiked to had very little. Every other lake forced us to wear our mosquito nets every time we stopped moving around and even WHEN we were moving. It was crazy.
More regarding the photos...
Yes, most times we were literally ON THE SIDE of a mountain. As in, if you slipped, you would fall half way down before getting caught on a tree.
At one of the lakes, we had to hike down a still-frozen glacier of snow. And back up in the morning. That was probably the most humorous part of the trip...after all, its funny when people fall down snow and slip all the way back down, right? :)
The 50lbs backpack and you became very close buddies considering the fact that if it went down, you went down with it, and vise versa.
All the high mtn. photos? The huge cliffs? The pictures of what would seem "random" shots of the highest peek? Yes, I took those beforehand while we were being prepped with "Yes, guys, we're really about to hike that. And we have to. Unless you want to camp here for the night...so lets do it!" before having to hike it. So yes, every shot beforehand we did eventually climb over and down that peek/top/mtn. etc.
Our total? 17 miles and 6,700 feet elevation.
During the hours you hiked in a day, you were either going UP the mountain or back DOWN it. RARELY did we have any even spots, in which you can imagine we were close to kissing the soil in thankfulness.
Lets see...
There were 8 girls in my group total, not counting the leaders. Our leaders were Julie and Emily{Jill, you will probably remember Julie from rafting during SPYN camp...? Because she definitely remembered our SPYN group. :)} They were super sweet girls. The catch? Neither of them had been on this trail before. At all. As in, whenever we would ask a question like, "Is it going to start going down hill?" or, more commonly, "How much longer till we reach camp?!" we would get some response like, "Not sure. It's the trail, so we're following it." So it was an adventure for all of us. All we had was a compus and a map. Which sort of made it difficult to trust yourself...which as you can imagine, opened even MORE opportunity to trust in God. You can probably guess what I ended up doing.
The other issue with the leaders not knowing where we were exactly going was the last day. We ended up hiking up to a HUGE peek(one shown in the photos), being told we didn't have to climb it(followed by very long sighs of relief, as you can imagine), hiking back down across it on a different route, pausing, leaders looking at a map, then telling us we had to climb back UP the 13ish switchback trails that we had gone down hill back up the the cliff that we would indeed climb up. Yes. This caused us to be 4 hours late the last day from the time when we were supposed to arrive back at the ranch.
After we returned, our Computer Literacy teacher had us write a paper on the trip...our disappointments, our favorite parts, what we would change, what we would keep the same.
It was tough for several reasons. 1 being that the things that I initially thought I would change, after I put some thought into it, were the things that would have made the trip...not even a trip or wouldn't have made a difference and major change in my life right now. The things I would change initially ended up being the things that tested me the most and showed God's faithfulness.
There were several instances on the trip where I was ready to break down and cry, one where I actually did. The one instance that I did was following a day of around 4 1/2 miles of all up hill hiking, seeing the other girls group and then being re-separated, and a whole host of other things that contributed.
We were cold. It was windy. We were all guessing it was going to rain. Low and behold it was the night that had been passed down in rumor by all the classes before us...the night where our counselors would leave us and see how we would do on our own. The catch? They actually never left us at all. At least not in the way we thought they were going to.
Like they did to every other class, we asked them straight up if they were going to do the same thing. They replied no, and then explained what they WERE going to do. We were camped at a lake that night that had a grass field stretched around the entire lake...maybe a mile around. Not quite sure. Anyways, our challenge was to pair off and be assigned a spot around the lake. At night. In the dark. In the rain(possibly). In the wind. Without leaders. Without tents. Without tarps. Us, our sleeping bags, our duffels, and our partner(in my case, I got the three-some. thank goodness). Our emotions on roller-coasters, our bodies freezing, our stomaches still half-empty(you learned not to take much food).
I'll start by saying I'm not the type to seem...fallen apart. I'll put up a brave front and act like everything's fine and that I have everything put together and that I'm tough enough to get through anything. The thing is, as a child of God, I'm not expected to have everything put together. He knows I'm broken. God broke down that "tough front" that night and showed me how broken and messed up I am, and how I can't lie about that anymore. I kept a plain expression while they were walking around the lake assigning people their spot, saying goodnight, and walking further out with each group while thinking, "Okay, I can do this. No big deal. Y'know, even if a bear walks through camp, no big deal." Y'know, thinking the worst, therefore making me feel worse. Anways...Of course, we were the group that went the furthest around the lake, and consequently, the farthest from camp/leaders/other people.
After they dropped us off, we had to hurry up and get out our sleeping bags and stuff before it got too cold, rainy, and windy. While we were setting up, we all pretty much started freaking out.....Okay, it was pretty much me and barely another girl while the last girl in the threesome just sat there and helped. Finally, I stopped what I was doing, tears down my face, and asked, "Guys? Do you think...*hesitation* (these aren't girls you would normally ask this, but desperate times call for desperate measures, right?)...do you think we could pray before we finish this?" Probably the site of my tears and cracking voice and all that lovely stuff made them hesitate as well, before replying, "Sure. Lets pray." We joined hands, prayed, and continued setting up...probably while they glanced at eachother in disbelief. But at that point, I didn't care about what they thought about me wanting to pray outloud to my only refuge in the trip.
After that, things were a bit better. I didn't lose it till we were in our sleeping bags and I kept thinking of the worst, but after praying to God, "God, this is where the rubber hits the road. I tell myself and others that I trust and rely on you...well, this is where I really have to, isn't it?" And he did. His faithfulness shined through and calmed my heart and pushed those thoughts right out of my mind and down the lake with the rest of my worries. I slept through the night nice and warm, and after the 10 minute scare-spell of "possible rain" as it misted around us, it didn't rain a drop. We woke up to beautiful pink clouds and a sunrise, talked a bit, and went back to camp, smiles on our faces.
At the beginning of the hike, the girls were divided into 2 groups~ 7-9 girls in each group. We each started at one point, crossed in the middle lake, and kept hiking the rest. So both groups were doing the other group's route, just backwords to the other group. At this point, we had no idea we were meeting them until we walked across the lake and saw their tired faces sitting around the fire pit cooking oatmeal for us. :) God knew exactly what I needed! He knew that after I night that like, I would love to see some other civilization where I was aside from my group and rabbid squirrels and birds, so our leaders surprised us by meeting the other group. Our eyes teared up as we hugged everyone and sighed with relief as we sat down, oatmeal in our laps, and friends surrounding us. It was beautiful.
Although that was the main time God delivered me during the week and when I REALLY saw his faithfullness shine through, there were so many others! For example, the last morning when we woke up to watch the sunrise from an overhanging cliff above the lake. Another, the very last day when we had a mile left before we hit the van, I was leading the group, and I felt like I was going to collapse. It's at the point when you think you're going to collapse with pain, fall with tiredness, and cry with emotion when God gives you strength. He gave me strength througout the whole trip- I totally know this. I couldn't have hiked a mile without Him with me. But those times listed above were the times where it was fully magnified to me.
It was an amazing trip. Some of you knew how I was feeling the previous Sunday, the previous Monday, and so on. And so some of you know how much this trip changed those feelings.
There's no way else to describe it. I would do it again, but maybe not for as long and not so much up-hill hiking. ;)
The Lord is my strength and my song- Ps. 118:14.
The verse I had written in sharpie on my hand while I conquered mountains.
:)
Remey.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)