writing. longing for clarity. without Him.

im longing for clarity.

im longing for clarity on what's been going on in my mind lately, on what God is tyring to show me through this, and what im suppose to be doing. i feel helpless just sitting here. whoever said you are the only person who knows yourself the best was wrong. goodness. to think that there's a being out there, that loves me...that understands every single thought process that's going through my mind at 100mph+ right now...who understands the raging emotions that threaten to take over once again...who understands the indescribable pain and frustration.
who understands the masks i hide behind, and how i need to escape them before it's too late.

....
on a *slightly less dramatic yet way to real note...

im writing. something i love.
tonight im working on a huge portion of the perspectives class, a writing portion, about the future. it's overwhelming. it's crazy.

from becoming a photojournalist, to traveling, to going on mission trips, my list of things to do in my life has never been longer.
but as i write...i come to this conclusion:

"Whatever I do in the future, I give it to God. I realize that He may want to me to do something else with my life other than what I would like to do, but as a Christian, I need to sacrifice everything to Him-including my dreams and hopes for the future. In being fully devoted to Him, I need to be open and obedient to how He wants to use me. Wherever He calls me and whatever He wants me to do, I'll take up my cross and follow Him~ while giving Him the glory for everything I do along the way."

without God, i'd be nothing. without His never changing and never moving qualities, i'd be hopeless. without His love, i'd be nothing but a teenage girl with nothing, NOTHING, to live for.

without His love.
what a thought.

remey.
"When my world is shaking, Heaven stands. When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands..."