Reconciliation.

Reconciliation is a large and grand part of life. It brings tears, resolutions, and change sometimes beyond comprehension. It can solve problems, heal wounds, and cause an even better relationship to bloom in the future.

Reconciliation, I think, is a big part of my life as well.
{And I know this is my second large(ish) post of the day. But again, I felt compelled to write.}

Without reconciliation, I wouldn’t be where I am today with…with a lot of people. With my siblings, with my family, my friends at school, and with older examples and influences in my life. Many times reconciliation doesn’t take more than a couple minutes of thought and the decision to “JUST DO IT.” Which is hard for me, I’ll admit. I tend to over think and over analyze situations to the point of being sick and tired of just thinking about it in general. So to just make that decision and man up to what you’ve done…it takes guts. But guts {along with courage} are obtainable and given when asked for {I believe}.

My post that I put up earlier today explained how God had given me the long awaited rest that I had needed and had searched for. Aside from rest, God also grants clarity of mind. And as I sit her, a cup of tea in hand and keyboard in front of me, my mind dwells on the situation of not even 20 minutes ago…

After dinner Alyse and I decided to ride bikes. We got on our shoes and got our bikes out from the shed and went up on our merry way up the street to bike around our dead end for a while. After 15 minutes or so we decided to go back in when we saw our neighbors up the street {this may sound terribly inconsiderate, but our little neighbor girls love to play with us and bombard us with requests to play for hours…even when we don’t exactly feel up to it}. So we decided to head back while waving to them as we passed.

As we raced into our driveway and to the shed to put our bikes away, we got into some silly argument about who knows what {that’s one thing about us…we’re terribly dramatic, and we don’t even remember what we’re arguing about in the first place}. So after we put our bikes away and stormed inside and said things we would definitely regret, we went our separate ways. Alyse storming upstairs and I started the tea kettle with a bang. I drink/eat when I’m upset. It’s a universal fact about me, really. Anyways, Mom comes in and is all, “What happened?” I had pretty much no idea what to respond because I didn’t even remember what we were bickering about in the first place. She walked away with a, “Well you two work it out, then.”

While I was preparing my tea, I thought, “Great, Lord. I just blew it. Again. Just a couple hours ago I felt on top of the world. Now I’m here. I just blew the whole “walking with You” for the day, didn’t I?” But that’s the thing. As I thought about it, more and more situations of the day brought to my attention that this indeed was NOT the first time I had blew it. “Gah.” Yeah. Pretty much.

Then comes the clarity of mind. All these things of the day pop into my mind and leave me thinking, “Wow. I’m…a failure.” I confess the things I’d done, talk with God for a few minutes in silence in front of my tea, and then decided to go apologize. I go up the stairs to find Alyse sitting on the very top, head down, looking downcast. “What are you doing?” “I don’t know. I was just about to go apologize.” And thus came the apologies and admitting we’re both terrible drama queens and make everything a big deal and yada yada yada.

So that’s that. But with this ONE situation, not even 20 minutes time, a host of situations that I had let slip away came back into my mind as a little knock. It reminded me that along with the big things {or what SEEMS to be big at the time} are also accompanied by a whole host of tiny things that we let go of. We think, “Oh, that’s no big deal.” Or, “I’ll ask for forgiveness later, and it’ll all be good.”

Goodness. That being said, reconciliation is important. And since I rededicated my life to Christ a few weeks ago, I’m having constant reminders of what I’ve done and guilt about what I’ve done. For example, before I could easily justify my own sin and try to forget about it. Now…now it’s a whole different story. I’m stuck with the feeling of guilt and I KNOW it was wrong what I’ve done, and that I NEED to do something to make it right.

Reconciliation can be hard. Really, it can. Pride gets in the way. And it can be so difficult at times to admit you're wrong! It's the nature of humans. But think about all the things you're missing out on by staying mad at them. And if you think about it…if you think about it optimistically, this may or may not be your last day with that person. Look at it this way…

What if that had been my last conversation with Alyse? If she would’ve went upstairs and I stayed down here by myself and dramatically choked on my tea with no one to save me or something of the dramatic sort. Yes, that’s quite an extreme case…but that being said, you never really know how long you have with someone. And I know that I would feel absolutely TERRIBLE if that’s how I ended it with my dear sister.
With a silly argument that I didn’t even remember what it was about.

My mom always taught us that if it’s not important or going to effect you in 10 years, it’s not worth arguing about. It’s true. If it’s something silly, why waste your breath.

Reconciliation. Another thing I’ll be working on. But I thank my Father for the clarity of mind He gives me to realize what I’ve done and that I need to make it right before Him and the person.

Remey.